Assassins and Love
by Gaara of Sunagakure
Summary: Gaara trys to find peace of mind while fighting the demon within him. Will Gaara ever find love?
1. My Existence will remain

**Disclaimer: I own this idea, which wasn't suppose to be a fan fiction at first, but… it is now so… get over it.**

**Note for ye people:**This is going to be kinda… darkish… so… yeah.

**Song of the fic:**Well she's not bleeding on the ballroom floor, just for the attention cause that's just ridiculous ly on

**--- Panic! At the disco **

**--- Time to Dance**

**_Chapter One: My existence will remain._**

"I stole my mother's life at birth and as Kazekage's son; I was overprotected, spoiled and left alone. I thought that was love until that accident happened. These pasted six years, my father tried to assassinate me several times. So why do I exist and live? I asked myself that question but I could not find an answer. But I need those reasons while I am still alive or it would be the same as being dead. And this is what I concluded: I exist to kill everyone other than me. I fight only for myself and I only love myself. As long as there are people to kill in this world, to make me experience the joy of living, my existence will remain."

I sat down and placed my paper back within my folder. The class looked at me as if I were some kind of monster. That is exactly why I hate to read my work for the class; I always get judge there after. The teacher, Ms. Lockhart, cleared her throat and called on the next student. I laid my head on the desk and closed my eyes. I have to have some purpose in life. The class continued with their lesson. I thought that I was the only one in the class who ever expressed myself for real. Everyone else in this god-forsaken room always wrote about how perfect their lives are and how much their parents loved them. It was bad enough that I was the new kid but even worst, I was the weird new kid.

"Ok, next. Please stand up dear, don't be shy." Ms. Lockhart asked.

A boy stood up from his desk. He was wearing a bright orange jumpsuit. His hair was blonde. I peered at him as his sapphire blue eyes read what he had written on his paper. As he spoke, I heard a pain I knew too well, loneliness. The peppy class would look at him then at me, as if they were comparing me to him or something. His poem was about him loosing everything and being alone in this world. He finished reading and slowly sat down, like myself, he put his head on his desk. I was so focused on this boy; I sat up and turned my head around to examine him better.

"Umm… Thank you Naruto." Ms. Lockhart said as she wrote down his grade.

Naruto… hmmm. An innocent name but… Where was the innocence? His eyes where not human I could tell, the sapphire blue came together in a way which gave me a feeling of uncertainty. Then I thought to myself… I don't even have pupils. Maybe that is why I'm judge as a monster. I heard a loud noise as a yardstick slammed against the front of my desk.

"Gaara, would you like to tell me who wrote this poem?" Ms. Lockhart said pointing to a poem on the blackboard.

"Uh… I think it's by…" I was interrupted.

"Gaara couldn't know who wrote it," said a boy with brown hair, "He probably doesn't know about anything that could be considered beautiful. He is a monster remember?" His twin, who was sitting right next to him, laughed and they gave each other a high five. Why isn't Ms. Lockhart saying anything to them? Had it been someone else she would have.

"It's by Aristotle." I said glaring at the boy. He then stopped laughing and let out a nervous cough.

"Good." Ms. Lockhart said, "Now can anyone tell me…"

Her voice faded as my hands went over my ears to drown out the noise. The lunch bell rang and everyone scattered out the door except me and three other students. I just laid there on my desk until the teacher urged me to leave the room. I guess I scare her too. I went to the courtyard where many people where eating, and found a place away from everyone else. I went into the woods, leaned against a tree, and closed my eyes. I couldn't wait until the end of school rolled around. As I tightened my eyes, I felt something coming near me. I noticed a change of temperature and lighting. I opened one of my eyes to see the twins from earlier.

**Yeah… this is my first chapter. Like I said in the disclaimer, I wasn't originally going to make this a fan fiction, but I thought I might as well share it with everyone else to see if you like it as much as I do. I'll probably have chapter two up in a few hours or so, seeing how it's already written and all. XD**


	2. Coversation with Naruto

**Disclaimer: Hmmm, I own this idea still, but sadly I don't own Naruto, if I did, Itachi would have been a main character and Gaara would be unbeatable. **

**Note for ye people:**This is still kinda… darkish… so… yeah.

**Song of the fic:**Well she sure is gonna get it, here's the setting, the fashion magazines on the walls now, the walls are the bullet holes…

**--- Panic! At the disco **

**--- Time to Dance**

**_Chapter One: Conversation with Naruto_**

I went into the woods, leaned against a tree, and closed my eyes. I couldn't wait until the end of school rolled around. As I tightened my eyes, I felt something coming near me. I noticed a change of temperature and lighting. I opened one of my eyes to see the twins from earlier.

"What?" I said closing my eyes once again.

"Ooh. You sound a little irritated." said one of one of the twins.

"Congratulations. You know a four syllable word." I said leaning off the tree.

"C'mon Darien, he isn't worth your time." the other twin jumped in.

"Are you calling me an idiot!" Darien said walking closer to me.

"Do you really want to start a fight with me? I'm a 'monster'… remember?" I stood up brushing the dirt off my pants.

"Saito, let's show this weirdo what happens when you mess with the Hanna Brothers." Darien said popping his knuckles.

"Two against one and you still don't have a chance." I said with my arms crossed. I wouldn't blink for the next few minutes.

"Then maybe these will even the odds." Saito said pulling out a baseball bat from behind his back. Darien did the same.

Struck across my face at full force, I barely turned my cheek. I turned back towards then with a tiny smirk on my face. Intimidated, I was struck again, this time once across my face and another at my side. As Darien went to hit me again, I grabbed the bat. His brother tried to attack me thinking my guard was down, only to have my foot in his stomach.

"Now that I let you got the first hit, mind if I take mine?" I smiled then threw Saito back and taking the bat from Darien's hands.

The sand inside the gourd on my back came into my palms. My eyes became filled with rage as the sand surrounded Darien. Saito did nothing but watched in fear as his brother suspended into the air. With a smirk on my face and the closing of my hands, Darien was ripped to pieces. Without a second thought, Saito fled back onto school grounds. My eyes were huge once I realized Saito was escaping.

I ran out of the woods but there wasn't anyone there. I saw Saito running down the street. Even if he told anyone, who would believe that I could control sand? Saito was too freaked out to sound in the least bit sane so even if he tried to sound reasonable, whomever he'd tell wouldn't pay it any mind since it's Halloween and all. They'd just think it's a joke.

"Heh," I chuckled slightly, "looks like I've scored again. I'll go back for Saito later but for now…" My eyes searched rapidly for a place to sit.

"You know what?" said a voice from behind me, "just because you can kill people without breaking a sweat doesn't mean you should."

From behind a tree, walked the blonde boy from earlier.

"What are you doing, Naruto?" I asked somewhat scared for some unexplainable reason.

"The same thing you were, just trying to get away from all the noise and judgmental people."

"I mean why you are talking to me…" Imbecile.

"I'm not sure," he said walking towards me, "I guess I'm working as your conscience that you so clearly don't have."

"Conscience?"

"You know? Conscience: sense of right and wrong, scruples, principles, ethics."

"Hmph. Now who is judging Naruto? I had a conscience once, but it never helped me. It's lost, it will never return."

"It's not that your conscience is gone, it's just that you're ignoring it."

"Go lecture someone else I'm not interested."

"The symbol on your forehead..."

"What of it?"

"It means love right?"

"…."

"Why would you have love tattooed on your forehead when you so clearly hate everyone?"

"It's a symbolism. Take it anyway you want to." I finally turned around to see the boy three inches away, "Do you think it wise to sit here and pester me?"

"Well, as long as you're away from that gourd, I think I'll be ok."

"Hmph. You think I cannot fight you without it… you'll be utterly surprised."

I grabbed my gourd and walked back out of the woods. Clearly everything that was said and done between Naruto and I was all for naught. I would forget everything soon enough.

**Well, second chapter… this was just to get the mood in set. You know, to show Gaara's murderous intent and how he thinks when it comes to other's lives… I hope you guys like it so far, the third chapter is already written, now all I have to do is post it. XD Thanks for reading**


	3. Pointless battle with thugs

**Disclaimer: I own this idea still... once I stop owning it I'll tell you… because I'm nice like that. **

**Note for ye people:**This is kinda retarded but it has a purpose later, so just remember the leader.

**Song of the fic:**Have some composer, where is your poster, Oh no no, you're pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong…

**--- Panic! At the disco **

**--- Time to Dance**

**_Chapter Three: Pointless Battle with Thugs_**

As I was walking home, I came to a group of thugs. They thought it was wise to harass me I guess because they pulled me into the alley they were in and threw me against the wall.

"Give us all your money punk," said who seemed to be the leader. He was wearing a hood as were the rest of them.

"I have none." I said unmoved by the army knife at my throat.

"What about that giant fruit on your back? What's in it?" asked another one of the thugs as he took the gourd from my back. I just smirked.

There were six in the alleyway: two boys on opposite sides looking out for any cops coming, another three boys behind the man who was holding me against the wall.

"May I ask something?" I asked turning my chin up a little, "how would pocket change amount to anything between six people?"

"Does it matter! Just shut up and don't think about screaming for help!" the leader said moving the knife closer to my neck.

"Scream? Hmph."

"You saying I can't make you?" he is getting a little irritated with me I think.

Behind him, the three boys were prying open the gourd, _MY_ gourd.

"I have no ethics against killing people just so you know." I said as they poured out the contents of my gourd.

"Is that a threat!" he yelled pushing the blade against my skin, not drawing blood yet.

"No… more of a warning. I'll have you know I could escape anytime I want to."

"Then why haven't you?"

"I was waiting… for the opportune moment."

"It's just sand! Rei it's just full of sand!" said one of the boys behind him.

I started laughing maniacally as Rei turned his head towards the sand on the ground. All six of the thugs turned towards me.

"Why are you laughing!" Rei screamed as he was taking off… _HER_ _HOOD_!

"Uhm… Rei." said one of the thugs keeping watch, "there is now a crowd."

"Leave them; let them see what happens when you mess with us."

"On second thought, let them see what happens to nosey people." I said as I looked up at Rei. She had long brown hair and golden eye makeup. Why would someone dress for something like this?

The sand from the gourd once again came to my palms, without Rei seeing it do so. Her eyes got huge as soon as she heard two of her men scream. She turned around to see three frighten men running out of the alley and sand everywhere. With one hand, she ripped off her jacket and jumped back. I noticed as soon as she took the jacket off that she had a tattoo. The Japanese kanji for "demon" was on the left side of her neck. The sand circled around my hands the made a wall on both sides of the alley, so nobody could get either in or out. With a somewhat deeper voice than before she told me:

"You may frighten my men easily, you may even kill them, but I will not so easily be defeated." With that, the alleyway got dark. All that could be seen was the aura around my hands.

"Hmph. I suppose this is what we get for being in the wrong place at the wrong time." I said closing my eyes then opening them once more. This time so I could see.

"You will be the only one who regrets." Rei said.

Her eyes became blood red and her canine teeth grew longer. The kanji on her neck covered her body now.

"I see. So you've been marked." I said dropping the sand walls, I made around the alley, "or did you sell your soul?"

"You know nothing!" she said bearing her fangs.

"I know more than you think. I will not fight you; it'll be a pointless battle."

The sand recollected itself and went back into my gourd. I simply walked out of the alleyway before she could think of what to say.

**Whoohoo, third chapter. I know the whole leader being a chick left you flabbergasted. At any rate, I hope you guys don't think this chapter is too pointless, cause it's not, all you have to do is remember the girl with the tattoo and everything will make sense in the end. XP **


	4. A weird encounter

**Disclaimer: Same as always, I own the ideas but not the characters or the anime. **

**Note for ye people:**This is still kind of irrelevant.

**Song of the fic:**Give me envy, give me malice, give me your attention, give me envy, give me malice, baby give me a break…

**--- Panic! At the disco **

**--- Time to Dance**

**_Chapter Four: A weird Encounter _**

About three or four blocks down the road, I bumped into Naruto again. He was leaning against a building. His eyes were close but he started walking next to me as I passed him.

"Were you waiting for me?" I asked looking at him out of the corner of my eyes.

"Of course not, I simply thought I could walk with you for a while."

"Hmph. Do as you please but don't expect any responses from me."

"Naturally not. So… you let her live huh?"

"Heh, so you were following me?"

"Why? I thought you were bent or making everyone else suffer."

"I never said I wanted everyone to suffer, just to make me feel alive."

"Ok, same difference. Why would you let her live, you could've killed her just as easily as everyone else right?"

"Naturally, yes. Nevertheless, why would I want to be mix up with a possession? If I killed her, a demon would be without a host. Since I was the only person he could get to, I could have taken him in. However, a force inside me would not appreciate it. The force could have ripped apart from the inside out. Not literally of course, metaphorically. I would just have another burden to carry on my shoulders, and less self control than I already posses."

"So, you didn't kill her simply because you wanted control of your own body? That's normal."

"Oh but Naruto, even now I am far from normal."

"At least you spared her. See you do have a conscience, and it said to grant her mercy."

"Again, you don't understand. I do not have a conscience. I only care for myself. I love only myself because nobody loves me."

"I'm sure there's somebody in your life that loves you."

"Like who?" I asked getting slightly irritated.

"Well, your parents, friends, girlfriend, siblings… you know that kind of thing."

"Actually, I don't. Now, let me ask… did you listen to my poem in class?"

"Uhm… no I don't listen to anything in that class."

"Ok, it's like this, I killed my mother at birth, my father's been trying to kill me for the last six years, I don't have friends, I don't have a girlfriend. I have only myself to love me and only myself to love!" I stopped walking as I screamed this at him. People stared, "I hate everyone. I hate everything. I hate being alone but I hate anyone who trys to get close to me." I said calmer than before.

"Well there in lies your problem; you need to let someone in for once. Not everyone is the same. People are different. You need to try to love someone other than yourself for once."

"Hmph. You talk a lot. Why are you bothering me anyways! Leave me alone!" I ran off, Naruto tried to stop me by grabbing my gourd only to rip it off my back. I left him standing there, in the middle of a crowd.

"Uhh, sorry about that, he's just having a rough afternoon and all." Naruto said waving his hands in front of him followed by a nervous laugh.

I kept running, pass my house, pass the train station, pass the noise, the city, the children in costumes trick-or-treating. I ran with my head down so nobody could see me crying. I ran into the forest which where strictly forbidden. I wasn't sure why it was but I couldn't care less. I finally stopped running once I came to the ocean. I looked up at the night sky as tears fell, one after another. The waves gently hit my feet, giving me some peace.

"W-why?" I asked myself while my lip quivered, "W-what did I do… to deserve this? I thought that I could… how could I be so stupid! Why do I keep going? Why don't I just give up? Even if I wanted to fight could I?" I fell to my knees and looked at the ocean, "How could you be so calm, especially when the when blows so hard now. How I would give anything to be so peaceful. The only thing you ever have to worry about is oil spills, and even then, your waves would still not stop."

From behind me, a hand placed on my shoulder. I turned around to see a beautiful woman. She was wearing a costume. Her hair was unnaturally colored and decorated with a starfish and seaweed to make what resembled a crown. She had what appeared to be scales climbing up and down her whole body and spikes coming from the backside of her legs and arms. It was dark so I couldn't tell if she looked real or not. Another reason I hate Halloween, you can't see who you're talking to for what the really are.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked wiping my eyes and pulling myself to sound like I haven't been crying.

"Long enough to try to help you."

"You can't help now leave me alone."

"Now my dear, I could give you anything you desire."

"Why don't you play trick-or-treat somewhere else, I'm not interested in your lies."

"How rude, to call a stranger a liar. You of all people know it's not right to judge before you get to know someone."

"I'm not interested in getting to know you."

"But I'm interested in getting to know you Gaara."

"How do you know my name!" I asked standing before her.

"Now now… settle down."

"Is this a sick trick! You're probably one of the girls from my class, the ones who sit in the back of the room and write notes back and forth about me. Why can't you just leave me alone! I'm not in the mood!"

"I said to settle down, not raise your voice at me and get in my face."

"This is your last chance to leave me alone!"

"Or you'll do what?"

"It's been one pointless fight after another. Anyways, I digress. I'm leaving."

"Why don't you kill me like you did the others?"

"You're not worth my time. I just need time to myself, and you're wasting it."

"Ooh, the only time with your loved one huh?"

"Shut up! You don't know me!"

"I know everything about you Gaara. Every little detail. Everything from your age to your weight. I have done my research. Might I say you are one very interesting specimen?"

"Specimen! What am I!" getting angry, "Have you discovered that yet, or is that something nobody will ever know?" I said in a sadder manner looking downwards.

"You are Gaara of the Sand. You are a ninja with unsurpassed skills. Your idea of fun is killing people. Your name means "demon who cares only for himself" You are not meant to live in a normal society because you are not normal."

"Hmph… so, how did you get all this information anyways?"

"Like I said, I have done my research."

"Ok, next question, why would you want to study me? I'm not all that great. Why don't you go find that Naruto boy? You two seem to have a lot in common. You're both annoying and talk a lot." I smirked in achievement.

"Hmm… Naruto Uzumaki. Twelve, blonde, possessed most of the time… interesting BUT… still not as interesting as you are."

"Look, whatever your name is, I'm not interested in getting your help. I only need myself, that way I know I'll never get hurt."

"So you don't get close to anyone because you're afraid?"

"I'm leaving."

I went to walk off, further down the shoreline, when I heard someone else talking to the woman. I went to turn around to see who it was but there wasn't anyone there. The woman from before was gone also.

**Whoohoo, this is the fourth chapter… again relevance will be shown soon enough… enjoyith!**


	5. Hate Father and Son

**_Note for ye people: This is not as irrelevant._**

**_Song of the fic: When I say shotgun you say wedding, shotgun wedding, shotgun wedding…_**

**_--- Panic! At the disco_**

**_--- Time to Dance_**

Chapter Five: Hate Father and Son

I walked out onto the streets to hear the laughter of children as they scrambled house-to-house collecting candy and granola bars. Kids these days, all they do get things to rot their teeth and minds. Maybe I have grown up too fast after all. I went in front of a huge mansion that was having a trick-or-treat party. They let complete strangers come in their house and get drinks and candy. I walked up to it to see what was so great about what their giving out in contrast to what everyone else was. I walked up to see two familiar faces.

"Kankuro, Temari. What are you doing?" I asked walking up to them.

Kankuro and Temari are my siblings. Kankuro is fourteen and Temari is fifteen. Even though they are my older brother and sister, I think them more as mere hulls of flesh connected by hatred and murderous intent. They were dressed in their ninja outfits complete with our village symbol.

"Degrading. Simply degrading." I said shaking my head.

"Oh c'mon Gaara. Don't be a stick in the mud. Loosen up and have some fun every once in a while." Kankuro suggested.

"A stick? What exactly is a stick in the mud?" I asked in curiosity.

"A twig." Temari answered for him.

"Where have you been all day? We all got worried. Temari and I had to assure dad that you would come home."

My eyes got huge when they mention the Kazekage. They don't know about the highly skilled assassins he sent after me. When I was six Kazekage thought I was becoming too dangerous once I killed a man who passed me on the street. He started sending assassins to kill me off but the attempt failed and later ninjas were sent, all who were killed by my hands. I don't think they have the right to know.

"I bet he wasn't that worried." I said playing off a fake smile.

"He was though. He said he didn't want you out by yourself." Temari reassured.

"Doesn't mean he was worried... I think he was just curious." I replied

"Who knows what he's thinking, all that matters is that you're ok." Kankuro added.

"I guess you're right about that much." I said.

"Wanna stay with us for a while? You should act like you're twelve for once, not twenty four." Kankuro suggested.

"Fine… I'll stay." I said.

"Well you need a costume first." Temari added.

"Alright, it's only eight. I'll run back to the house and put my ninja outfit on too." I said walking away.

I wouldn't return and they already knew it when I walked away. I'd make it up to them later. I ran home to see the Kazekage sitting on the porch. I completely froze when our eyes met. A feeling I knew only when I looked at him ran threw my veins throughout my entire body. Kazekage looked at me in fear as my eyes went into more of a glare.

"Do you have anything to say about why you didn't come home?" he asked me.

"I hate you so much." I replied looking at my gourd by his hands.

"You made this gourd out of sand and the blood of your victims. Why would you carry this thing around if you turned over a new leaf like you said?"

"Were did you get that?" I asked walking a little towards him.

"A friend of yours brought it by. He said you took off and left it."

"Just give me my gourd Kazekage."

"I'm your father. Why can't you address me as that?"

"A father doesn't try to kill their child. A father doesn't hate his son. You are not fit to be a father than I'm fit to be an angle!"

"Hmph. Is this the thanks I get for raising you?"

"Shukaku hasn't killed you yet. That should be thanks enough." I said snatching the gourd from his hands.

"What have you become?"

"Exactly what you made me." I walked into my room and put my gourd around my back.

Shukaku is my inner demon. When in battle, if at all needed, I can use a sleep spell that would allow Shukaku to fight. But, I will not sleep or I would loose control. I think that is why I can't stop killing, a blood thirst that will never be satisfied. I scare my brother and my sister. Even in the Chunin exams, I killed a boy to take the teams scroll. His other team members begged for their lives when they threw me the scroll. Temari and Kankuro told me to let them go, that we had what we needed to pass but I could not. They were there; they were pitiful and they were a perfect target. I used Desert Coffin and Desert Funeral on them. Another pointless kill. Kankuro yelled at me, I told him that I would kill him if he ever stood in my way again. Temari was even frightened, although she is three years older than I am.

"I'm leaving!" I yelled down the hall.

"Were are you going!" Kazekage yelled back walking towards me.

"Where ever I feel like going." I turned towards him.

"Not with that gourd. It stays here." He put his hand out to retrieve it.

"If you want to keep that hand of yours Kazekage, I would stay out of my way."

**_This is just to show some of the tension between Gaara and his father. A question for the readers though, what's Gaara's father's name? I tried looking it up but they only call him "Fourth Kazekage" XD Life's too difficult._**


	6. The Assassin

**_Note for ye people: This is not irrelevant._**

**_Song of the fic: She didn't choose this role, but she'll play it and make it sincere so you cry, you cry…_**

**_--- Panic! At the disco_**

**_--- Time to Dance_**

Chapter Six: The Assassin's Assignment

The next day, Kankuro and I sat in Temari's room as she went to give Kazekage a drink. She heard him talking to someone so she stopped outside the room, knowing it would be rude to walk in on his conversation. She stood outside the door so that she could hear what Kazekage was talking about, which made no sense seeing how that was just as rude.

"Daniel Harukia, I'm glad you called me back. I was wondering if I could get your help with… uhh… your line of business naturally. I was told you had the best so I wanted to try you out. Uh huh… uh huh… I know but… I need somebody who can take a boy out for me. His name? Gaara, G-A-A-R-A. Uhm, let's see, he's about 4'10", about 85-86 pounds, has reddish-brown hair, sky blue eyes, no pupils, he always carries around a giant gourd on his back, has "love" tattooed on his forehead… Uh huh… his age? Twelve. Stop laughing. If you think it will seriously be so easy then you should be happy I'm offering so much for so little. How do I know him? He's my son. Look, maybe I should take my business elsewhere… you clearly are not serious about this job. Good, now I want your very best on this job, anything less and you might loose an employee. This boy isn't your average boy; he's killed everyone I've sent after him, everything from highly skilled assassins to Jounin ninjas. Hehe, how? Let's hope you don't find out."

From down the stairs we heard a glass break. Kankuro and I leaned over the railing to see Temari trying to quickly clean up her mess when Kazekage walked out.

"What are you doing Temari?" he asked hanging up the phone.

"I-I-I was just going to bring you something to drink and I… accidentally tripped over the rug and dropped the glass. I'm so sorry." She said bowing in guilt.

"Here." He said leaning down, helping her clean up the mess.

"I'll get a towel for you." Kankuro said.

"Grab the broom too if you don't mind." Kazekage said to Kankuro as he went into the kitchen.

Temari looked at the mess then at her father. He smiled then quickly dropped it when he saw me looking at him. Temari turned around and I knew by the look in her eyes, that she knew about the tension between Kazekage and me. I turned away from her and went into my room.

"Dad," she said turning back towards him, "we should have a family day tomorrow."

"Why is that dear?" he answered

"Because I don't think any of us are close to Gaara. I'm not sure if we ever where."

"She's right dad," Kankuro said whipping up the spill, "he doesn't act like a child, he puts all these fears and problems on his shoulders. He shouldn't have to go through that by himself; he needs to know we love him even though he doesn't want us to."

"Ok kids, how about a picnic tomorrow? Sound good?"

"Yeah." they both responded.

Meanwhile up in my room… I grabbed one of the katana I keep in my room and began to sharpen it. If I had put the blade to my wrist it would only help Kazekage, but even if I tried. Touching the tip to my fingertip gave me a perspective on how sharp it should be. If I were to take the coward way out, would any really miss me? I mean, Kankuro and Temari might be sad for a day or something but they wouldn't really miss me. I began to drag it across my wrist and closed my eyes, I felt the sand come together forming a shield over my flesh. At that moment I realized something, I'm afraid to take my own life. Before I could put the katana up Temari walked in and snatched it from me. She began to cry.

"Gaara what's going on?" she cried as she threw the katana away from me.

"What do you mean?" I asked. She fell to her knees in tears.

"Father… I think he-he's trying to kill you." I kneeled to see her eye to eye.

"Look Temari, there's a lot that's happened between Kazekage and I."

"Then why hasn't anyone told me?" I hate seeing her cry.

"Because Kazekage and I were the only ones who knew."

"Then why didn't you ask for my help? I'm your sister if you like it or not. I can help you Gaara! You just need to trust someone other than yourself for once."

"You don't understand me…"

"That's because you won't let me. Gaara… please I need to tell you what I heard."

Temari stood up and we both sat on my bed. She told me everything she heard Kazekage say to his newest assassin workers. Then in return, I had to explain the last six years of my life to her. It was strange that I actually opened up to someone… was what Naruto said finally getting to me? The next few minutes were spent just us talking. I'm actually starting to like Temari more than before…

"Oh… uhm… Hey Gaara? We're going to have a picnic tomorrow… the four of us." … and now she is back to square one.

"What? Count me out."

"Hey you owe Kankuro and me for leaving us at that mansion last night."

"Fine, but don't expect me to call that man my father or any family related love moments."

"Of course not little bro'." Temari said pulling me closer to her with a mischievous smile.

"You lie as bad as Kankuro dances. And… that's saying a lot you know?"

She laughed then opened the door only to have Kazekage standing in front of it.

**_Haha… Kazekage's heartless. Anyhoop, what will Gaara do know that he knows his father's been listening the whole time? Probably get mad but you should read and find out… thanks for reading this much, I must have done something right to keep your attention this long. Mwahahahaha… I'm good like that. :D_**


	7. Clubin' With Adults

Note for ye people: This is irrelevant.

Song of the fic: And they'll believe it from the tears in her teeth right down to the blood at her feet

--- Panic! At the disco

--- Time to Dance

Chapter Seven: Clubin' with Adults

"How long have you been eavesdropping Kazekage?" I asked standing up, furious of course.

"Now my son," he said walking in, "I would never eavesdrop on purpose. I was simply walking by and thought I'd bid you goodnight."

"I'm not your son and I don't believe you'd say goodnight to me unless one of your assassins where coming for me in the night." Kazekage's eyes got huge when he saw the look on my face. Temari left the room to try to escape the drama… she was in the next room with her ear against the wall.

"Gaara… if I wanted to I could send a thousand of people at you at once, you and I both know it wouldn't make a lick of difference. But I'll have you know I found one person who does just as much damage."

"Kazekage… if I wanted to I could kill you right now without moving a muscle."

"So why don't you? You hate me with all your being and yet you let me live."

"Because I don't think it fair for Temari and Kankuro. They don't see the monster I see in you, so they love you. Now I ask you this Kazekage, why didn't you ever show me that?"

"I did once."

"No, your idea of love for me was to give me things and leave me alone. You used your own wife and son as an experiment for a weapon. Whenever the family went somewhere you left me home, whenever they asked about me you said I was sick, nobody in our family who lives outside this house even knows I'm alive. I thank you for that much "father" you taught me a lesson I will never forget."

"And what is that?"

"I exist to kill everyone other than me. I fight only for myself and I only love myself. As long as there are people to kill in this world, to make me experience the joy of living, my existence will remain."

Kazekage backed out of my room and shut the door behind him. I heard him in the other room, saying goodnight to Temari then to Kankuro in the next room down. There I was, still angry and unmoved. I stood in the same spot until I saw his lights turn off. Since I can't sleep I would just continue to ponder my destiny and think about revenge and my hatred for everything. After about an hour of that, I grabbed my gourd and snuck out of my window. Nobody in the house will be awake for at least another eight hours. I walked down the streetlight lit roads and looked at all the things that happen late. There were neon lights coming out of every club, music blaring in every car. This is the first time I've ever walked down the strip at night. I bet to everyone around I looked utterly confused. Many of the older people, late teens early twenties, were out. I walked up to a building that had only two bouncers and a back door.

"Stop there little kid." said one of the bouncers.

"Little kid?"

"There's a time kids should be at home. It's 11:00. How old are you?"

"How old do I look?"

"Stop hassling me boy."

"Look I was just walking by, I don't care about this dump."

"This dump is the most exclusive club there is."

"It doesn't look that great."

"It's not the outside that's exclusive little buddy, it's the interior. The DJ is the best in town and there are seven stages so that open mic can be anytime."

"Woopdie-doo. Listen here "buddy" if you call me little again I'll…"

"Hey Gaara." said an oh-so familiar voice.

I turned around to see a woman who didn't look familiar though.

"And you are… who?" I asked making a confused face and hand jester.

"I talked to you on the shoreline on Halloween, remember?"

"Oh… in that case I'm going to leave you hear with this "fabulous" man."

"Wait, I want you to come in here with me."

"Uhm… newsflash… One: I'm only twelve and Two: I don't care for this place."

"Oh come on. I want to talk to you more. I work here so I can even get you in free. What do you say?"

"Whatever, I need to kill a few hours anyways."

I walked into the club with the woman. It was packed. There were two stories, to top opened up so you could see the main stage when you looked on the railing. The light shows and layout were amazing. The woman looked down at me to see my eyes searching every inch of the club. She smiled and walked me over to the bar in which she worked with her best friend.

"Hey Ivy!" the woman screamed waving her hand over her head.

"Hey girl! It's about time you showed up; I was getting bored stiff by myself."

"Ivy this is Gaara, Gaara this is my best friend Ivy."

"I was about to ask about the little boy. By the way… you were on call for barkeep today so... put on your uniform and help me!"

"Ok ok… well you keep him occupied for me then."

"Okie dokie." Ivy said pulling me to a seat, "What anything to drink kid?"

"First the bouncer then you. Will you people stop calling me kid?" I said putting my hand to my forehead.

"Got it tora. So a drink?" She said sliding a glass to a twenty-something year old man.

"Sure why not?" I replied peeking up at her through my fingers.

"Alright… alcoholic or non?"

"I'm twelve… I think that should answer that."

"Only twelve? Seeing how you're in this club, have a tattoo and are hanging out with Andreia I thought you were at least fifteen or sixteen."

"Hmph… I hear that a lot, too much in fact."

"Meh… here you go. It's our own formula… the other barkeep and I made it when we got bored."

"Interesting." I said putting my head down. From behind me appeared Andreia.

"I'm back!" she screamed with her arms in the air. She was now in a white button up with a black vest and black slacks. She also had her hair pulled up in a ponytail.

"Why is it that I just now learned your name huh Andreia?" I said in a taunting sort of way.

"What is a name but a word your parents gave you?" she asked shrugging her shoulders.

"Does it have any special meaning?" I asked interested.

"Nah, my mother loved that name more than anything else."

"Even more than you?" I replied, I didn't know it but my facial expression must have given away something Andreia didn't know yet.

"No. I'm sorry." she said walking behind the bar with Ivy.

"What about you Ivy? You're name is more American than Japanese right?"

"Yeah, I was named after someone my mom knew in college or something." Ivy answered cleaning out a cup.

"Yeah, so who named you?" Andreia asked grabbing a tip from the bar.

"Kazekage." I replied only to have her look at me with a confused expression, "My so called "father". He named me after I was born because I killed my "mother"."

"I'm sorry." Ivy said nudging Andreia a little bit.

"It doesn't matter, I don't care that she's dead, I just hate that he named me 'gaara.' I guess he's hated me since I was just a newborn child. Figures." I put my head down on the bar table and looked off to my right.

"Gaara… doesn't gaara mean 'demon who cares only for himself' or something like that?" Ivy asked only to have Andreia step on her foot.

"I'm going to go ahead a leave; this is getting too personal and too weird." I said standing up.

My eyes got huge once I realized my gourd was no longer next to me. I franticly looked around for someone with it. This really pissed me off. Apparently, Andreia felt some kind of aura around me because she quickly turned around once I decided someone had stolen it. Andreia looked at Ivy, whose eyes where bigger than the cup she was holding.

"Is all that energy coming from that little boy?" she asked worried as she looked at Andreia waiting for her answer.

"Yeah, I think so at least."

"You mean to tell me you didn't know this boy had this much power? His aura says he could kill everyone in here without remorse or pity."

"And that is…"

"Bad… very bad. We don't want cops in here investigating a two thousand homicide. We'd get shut down and probably have to go through all this crap about the kid and how we were the only ones who survived and AH! I hate being interrogated! I hate it." Ivy's freaking out.

"Ok… you stay here and get all that out of your system and I'll get the kid before he clears the dance floor." Andreia said jumping over the bar.

I didn't think about what I was doing or why I was doing it, but that gourd had my sand, the blood of my victims which give me strength. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Andreia walking up to me from the right and my gourd on the left. Somebody's about to pay for being a thief. I walked away from Andreia and towards a teenage girl leaning against the wall, holding my gourd off to the side as if she owned it. I stood in front of her and looked up. She was twice my height and had long black hair. From behind my bangs, my eyes met hers. I held out my hand with palms up waiting for her to apologize and hand me the gourd. Instead, she thought it wise to be a smart-iliac and give me a five.

Uh oh… an encounter with an… woops almost ruined it for you. XD


	8. The Assassin Shows

Note for ye people: This is extremely relevant.

Song of the fic: Boys will be boys hiding in estrogen and wearing Aborigine dreams

--- Panic! At the disco

--- Time to Dance

Chapter Eight: The Assassin Shows

"My gourd." I said looking down toward it.

"Oh this is your gourd? I think you're mistaken little boy, this is my trophy." She grabbed me by the shirt and picked me off the floor.

"An assassin?" I asked looking at the distance between my feet and the ground.

"You found out so quickly. You're a smart little boy aren't you?"

"It's not that hard to figure, all assassins working for the Dojo have been branded little cattle. Your mark is on your wrist, reminding you to kill."

"You've been studying us then?"

"Know your enemies. Evaluation is the most important part about being a ninja."

"You were so sure that assassins would be your enemy?"

"Positive. Kazekage employed you most likely, he's afraid to try to kill me himself. But I can't completely blame him for being only human."

The girl turned her head away from me to see Andreia's fist hurling towards her face. I dropped to the floor and I quickly recovered my footing, almost forgetting to grab my gourd. The assassin ran out the door and I followed, Andreia also ran after us but was somehow lost in a crowd of people. As soon as I ran out into the alley, I couldn't find the girl. I backed up into a wall and looked to see if she was on top of the building only to have a wire wrapped around my neck. Instincts would tell anyone to start to struggle, but I merely grabbed the wire and held it so my fingers were between it and my neck.

"Ha," the girl taunted, "and Kazekage made it so clear that you would be hard to kill."

"At least… he praised me… right?" I said struggling to speak of course.

"Is that all you've ever wanted? To be loved by your father?"

"I… don't want… to kill you…"

"That would be a first for you wouldn't it?"

"No… it's just too… early."

"Early," she laughed tightening the wire cutting my throat enough to leave a distinct marking of a wire, "it's never too early to kill."

"Are you saying… you want me to kill you?" I asked moving my hands once they began to bleed, "Because…. I can oblige to that."

I took my hands down from my neck and made hand signs for my Desert Shield. The sand from the gourd went around my body and made a reasonably strong armor against the wire. I put my hands to the wire once more, this time completely taking it from her, in exchange; it cut her hands. She screamed in anger more so than pain as I ran into the lighten area where Andreia was standing. The assassin fled. The armor around me dropped and went back into the gourd as I fell to my knees.

"I've never felt this pain before." I said looking at my hands.

"You've never been physically harmed before?" she asked looking at the wound on my palms.

"No, I usually have an automatic defense. This stings…" I closed my hands and snatched them from Andreia.

"Who was that girl?" she asked worried.

"An assassin sent by Kazekage I think. She didn't give a name. Why are you worried? I just met you."

"Because no one else will."

I looked at her and for the first time I felt like someone was accepting me. I looked up at her to see the worried expression a mother would give her child when they skinned their knees on the gravel. For the first time in years, I cried and someone was there to comfort me. I cupped my face into my bloody hands to try to hide my eyes, only to have Andreia pull them down.

"Everyone cries, it's nothing to be ashamed of." she whipped my face clean of the blood and tears then gave me a hug.

"Why? Why would you waste your time helping me?"

"I already told you I wanted to help you, when we met at beach on Halloween."

"I thought you were just messing with me. Andreia I'm sorry."

"There's no need to be sorry, I know exactly how you feel."

"No… you don't. I'm becoming weak, that assassin moved fast, my shield didn't have a chance to build. I could've easily killed her but… I don't know why I didn't."

"You have your reasons."

Later that hour, I found myself in the club with her once again, telling her everything about my childhood. She was wrapping my hands and neck, then she told me she wanted to know me better, I don't think I should've let her though.

"I am the son of the Fourth Kazekage, and I'm currently the Godaime Kazekage, thus having Temari and Kankuro as my older siblings. Because of Sunagakure's weakened state, the Fourth Kazekage ordered one of Suna's elders, Chiyo, to use a possession jutsu to seal the Shukaku into me, in hopes of making me into the ultimate weapon against outside attacks on the village. Because of this possession, my mother, Karura, died while giving birth. Before she died, Karura cursed Sunagakure, hoping I would avenge her death. I was trained by my father, but raised mainly by my uncle Yashamaru. For six years, I was feared by my family and the other villagers and believed that Yashamaru was the only one who loved me. However, when I was six years old, my father the Kazekage ordered Yashamaru to assassinate me. I had become, in the Kazekage's eyes, a failed experiment and too much of a threat to the other villagers to be allowed to live. I mortally wounded the assassin before I knew the assassin was in fact Yashamaru. Before he died, Yashamaru revealed to me that he never did love me. In fact, despite trying to love me, Yashamaru always resented me for taking away the life of his beloved sister, my mother, Karura. Yashamaru also revealed the source of my name: Ware wo ai suru shura, "a self-loving carnage". And, before Yashamaru died, opened his vest to reveal explosive notes, and his final words, "please die". My mother had resented the village for using her and me as a sacrifice for a weapon, and cursed me for putting her in so much pain. After realizing that nobody loved me, I used my sand to create the tattoo on my forehead: LOVE as a symbol of a "demon loving only himself." For the next six years, I would be the victim of almost constant assassination attempts, all ordered by my father. I am a jinchuriki, or the unwilling host of a biju. My entire village hated and feared me for the awful power of the spirit sealed within my body; my own father, before later realizing that I could be an effective tool, wanted me dead. As a result, I became emotionally withdrawn, all but silent, and consumed with a bitter loathing for everyone but myself. I learned to find pleasure and eventually a reason to live in annihilating the numerous assassins sent to kill me - and by extension, anyone who threatened my existence. My insomnia, forced upon me by the fact that the demon inside me would eat away at my personality if I were to fall asleep, made me further unstable. Loneliness and the desire to be liked, loved and acknowledged as an individual, free of others' prejudices — I am myself, not the demon I was forced to "contain" — drives me into a desperate state. I came to the conclusion that I could preserve and confirm my own existence by killing any and all who challenged it. In the absence of others' acknowledgment, I could compensate by valuing only myself to the exclusion of everyone else — an extreme form of narcissism. Furthermore, I never had anyone to bond with and did not understand the concept of fighting for anything other than myself until my confrontation with Naruto. Beforehand, we both tried to gain positive attention by being cheerful, kind, and caring, in Naruto's case, overly so, we both had little success. On one occasion, I used my powers to retrieve a ball for a group of children playing nearby and injured them unintentionally with sand when they ran away from me in fear. Later, I brought medicated ointment to the house of the girl whose wounds were the worst, but she slammed the door in my face, calling me a "bakemono"."

"Well, that's a lot about you." Andreia said looking too interested, "so even your brother and sister were afraid of you?"

"Yeah, Temari says she didn't know about the assassins though, however I have a funny feeling she knew, she just didn't want to accept it. She's trying to accept me, I know she is, but it's hard for her. Inside, I know she blames me for the death of our mother and uncle, just as everyone else did. Hey Andreia…" I said looking up at her, "will you walk me home?"

"Of course." She smiled as we walked out together.

I was afraid to be alone, for the first time in my life. I heard a noise behind us and grabbed a hold of her hand, not knowing I did at first. Once I came to realize I was, I quickly jerked my arm away. She just looked at me confused.

Well… seeing how I've poster chapters one through eight at the same time, (due to the fact I've already wrote most of this story) I'm not sure what you guys really think… so I'm looking forward to your comments and even your flames because I know it's not the best thing I've ever written, but I'm still having a blast. It's true... I'm having too much fun telling all I know about Gaara. D!


	9. Prove It!

**_Note for ye people: This is extremely relevant._**

**_Song of the fic: Have some composer, where is your poster, oh no no, you're pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong_**

**_--- Panic! At the disco_**

**_--- Time to Dance_**

Chapter Nine: Prove it!

When we got to my house, I snuck but into my window and quickly closed to curtains. I turned around to have Temari in my face up to mine.

"Where were you? Why did you sneak out again?" she asked grabbing my wrists.

"I was just walking around, that's all." I said turning my head away from her.

"What happened to your hands?" she asked going to pull the bandages off my hands.

"I cut myself of the concrete… I fell." I reclaimed my hands before she saw them.

"Fine, but look I think that you should… Gaara what happened to your neck?" she peered towards me to see but my hands covered the bandages quickly.

"Just get out of my room Temari; it's none of your business."

"Is that what the assassin did?" I didn't answer, "So it is…?"

"Just get out of my room, I'm fine."

"Gaara, please just let me in for once! You're so unbelievable! I can't stand it… I…!" Temari stopped yelling once Kazekage put his hand on her shoulder.

"Temari, go back to bed." he said leading her out into the hallway.

"But dad I was…" she complained walking back towards my door.

"Temari! I said go!" he yelled pushing her into the wall.

"Don't touch her again!" I yelled from behind.

Kazekage looked at me in rage. He knew that something was different about me because I was protecting someone other than myself for once.

"If you EVER touch her again I swear I'll rip your arms right out of the sockets! Got it!" I yelled. He only smiled to see that I had been hurt for once.

"So," he said closing the door behind him, locking Temari out, "you met your new assassin friend I see."

"Don't you dare digress! This is your last chance, apologize to her or kill you right now!"

"Hmph, will you?" he opened the door and I saw Temari leaning against the wall crying, "Then go ahead, do it. Remind your sister why she hates you."

"What?" my eyes got huge as I looked over at Temari, she wasn't denying it.

"You mean you didn't know?" he asked followed by a laugh, "You honestly thought that someone would try to like you? How foolish of you."

"Gaara it's not true! You are loved!" Temari screamed as I jumped out of my window.

Walking away from the house, I could hear Temari screaming my name, but I didn't turn around. I ran back to the one place I felt peace: the ocean. I leaned against a tree and looked up at the sky. I was so tired I couldn't stand it, but I can't fall asleep. I held my hand over the sandy beach and began to manipulate it to the form of kunai. It was a simple transformation and yet it was stronger than a real kunai. I smiled knowing that I could make anything out of this sand. This makes me want to live by the ocean.

"Is it childish of me to talk to the ocean?" I asked myself, "Is that good? That I'm being childish… I mean I am a child right?" I laid on my back and closed my eyes, "If only I can do this for a few hours."

"You will be able to one day," a voice over me said. I opened my eyes to see Temari over me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked jumping up on my knees.

"I followed you. I needed to tell you something. About what dad said, I know you think I hate you because I didn't say anything in my defense, but I couldn't. To tell the truth I did hate you at one time, I blamed you for something I knew wasn't your fault, but here lately you've been changing. I know you want to be normal, I know that you just want what everyone else wants: to love and be loved in return." She said kneeling before me.

"So, you're saying you don't hate me?"

"No, I'm saying I love you. You might not think I do, but you're my brother, and I'll accept you in any form or size because of that. And I know you love me too because if you didn't, you would've never stood up for me against dad." With that, she leaned towards me and gave me a hug.

"Thanks Temari." I said hugging her back.

"Temari, if you truly love me, how will you prove it?" I asked pulling myself away, "Last time, Yashamaru said he loved me when he really despised me, he even hated the fact he had to act like he loved me."

"I'm not sure what you want me to do.," she said looking utterly confused.

"I want you to take this kunai, and kill me." I said handing her the kunai I made.

"Gaara but I…"

"Don't worry," I said throwing my gourd away from me, "you'd be doing a lot a people a favor. Now just do it, kill me."

"I don't want to do it…"

"Kill me!"

"No!"

"Do it or I'll kill you!" I yelled making another kunai and placing to her throat.

"Gaara no!"

"Last chance! Think about it, you'd get praise from father, you could be the first female Kazekage, you would become to best ninja ever. Taking all my titles and freeing me at the same time. Don't you want your brother to be free!"

"I do but not like this…"

"Do it!" I pulled my arm back as if I were about to stab her in the side of her neck.

"NO!" she screamed dropping the kunai and placing her hands on the ground.

The kunai in my hand fell back to the ground as sand, and I grabbed her shoulder. She looked at me and I smiled.

"That'll do." I said standing up with her.

"What would you have done if I stabbed you?" she asked getting kind of angry with me.

"Meh, the blade wouldn't have had the chance to touch me, we are sitting in sand you know? What made you so sure that I wasn't going to stab you, huh?"

"I thought you were…"

"Hmph."

"Come on, let's get out of here. It's time to go to school."

"Temari, I killed one of my classmates yesterday during lunch."

"Uh… Well let's hope nobody pisses you off today alright?"

"Yeah."

**_Chicka-Chicka Whoot whoot! Alrightythen! I managed to post all the chapters I wrote finally. victory jigs I mite write another chapter later, or I mite not, I haven't decided yet. ; ) wink Flamers… I welcome thee… unless I know you personally because then I mite actually do something about it… like, oh say, kill your cat! Nah… I don't think any of my friends own cats… we all loathe them. XD_**


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